Oh, John Cusack,
You hung with Anthony Michael Hall
When I first met you. You wore a
gizmo on your head, and I did
find it charming.

Oh, John Cusack,
I'd be your sure thing. Did you
Know I called someone a sure thing
One time? You definitely had
better mojo.

Oh, John Cusack,
If only you knew how many times
I've said, "I want my two dollars!"
But you needn't worry. I don't have
a paper route.

Oh, John Cusack,
Ione Skye was crazy when she stayed
In bed. Hey, my brother, can
I borrow a copy of your
"Hey Soul Classics"?

Oh, John Cusack,
Con Air? Let us not speak of it.
I say there was no Con Air in 1997.
There was Grosse Pointe Blank
and nothing else.

Oh, John Cusack,
Let's just admit that Pushing Tin
Really blew. But then there was
Malkovich, o glorious picture,
most puppetous.

Oh, John Cusack,
I grew up with you, it seems,
But why did it take me this
Long to realize you are
so very tall?

And I like your sister, too.