I'm developing a real hatred for one of our mail carriers.

I know which one it is. It's the one who walked up with the mail not long after we moved in. "Hi," I said.

"Keep your dogs in the house!" he shouted.

"Umm... they are in the house."

"Keep your dogs in the house! I've been bitten before!"

"Well, I'm very sorry to hear that you were bitten. Still, the dogs are in the house. They love people, and even if they didn't, they wouldn't be able to bite you, because they're inside and you're outside."

"Just keep them in the house!" The man was only capable of some variation on this phrase, I swear.

Now, he's decided to refuse to deliver the mail to us when I have the screen door closed but the sliding glass door open. He sent us an official letter saying that dogs had been known to bust through screen doors to attack letter carriers, and that until we create a more secure environment, he won't serve us. When it's 90 degrees out and you don't have air conditioning, leaving the glass doors closed is a poor option.

When the postman comes up, the dogs stand there and wag their tails at him. The whole thing is absurd. Always rings twice, huh? You don't even ring once, you rat bastard!

I don't even think it's really about his fear at this point, either. I think I have managed to become embroiled in a power struggle with our postal service representative. He is trying to drive me mad. Or make it really, really hot in my house.

The meter readers don't have this problem. They walk right into the yard, say hi to the pups, and do their job. Meter readers are a tougher breed than mail carriers, I believe.