"The rapture is going to strike without warning. The rapture is going to happen suddenly. The rapture is going to be one of the most astonishing events to ever occur."

- Todd at raptureready.com

Features include:

"Oops, I Guess I Wasn't Ready: What to Do if You Miss the Rapture"
"Preterism: I Can't Believe It!"
"Satan's Little Helpers: The Liberal Media Who Else Could It Be?"
"The Coming National ID Card: Will It Be the Mark of the Beast?"

However, as much as I like the above sections, my favorites are:

"The Antichrist; Have You Seen This Man?" - Includes lines like, "Because of Mr. Kissinger's activity in the Middle East, he was labeled the Antichrist. I've always thought his raspy voice would be the first thing to disqualify him," and "Moon recently was sent to jail for tax evasion. Jesus, by having a tax collector on his staff, didn't suffer from tax problems. You pick which one was the smarter Messiah." It is also important that you take a look at the evidence that Barney the Dinosaur might very well be the Antichrist.

and:

"The Rapture Index" - As you can see, today, the threat posed by Satanism and the supernatural isn't dire, but it's a bad, bad day for Beast Government.

Hey - when you're right, you're right.

It is hot. Really hot. And before you say to me, "Oh, Shasta. You don't know from heat. It is only 90 degrees where you live, and it is 106 degrees here. So, you see, you should not be hot, because I have more desert than you," I would like to point out that we don't have air conditioning, and therefore, it is hotter inside my house than it is outside. And if you try to tell me that having the temperature inside your place of residence hover somewhere in the low 90s is mild and altogether desirable, I will call you a stinking liar. If you insist that you aren't lying, I will call you a dirty weather poseur and set your thermostats to 93 degrees for all eternity. I'll then abscond with your popsicles and send you a postcard every three days reminding you that actually, you think it's quite balmy and are immensely comforted by the fact that it's fifteen degrees hotter in Joshua Tree.