I had this sudden panic over the idea that any minute, low-rise jeans are going to go out of style. I briefly considered stockpiling. You see, the low-rise trend was one of the best things ever to happen to my jeans-buying self, because low-rise jeans are the only kind that actually hit just below my waist. Regular-waist jeans hit somewhere in the middle of my ribcage, which means I can either walk around looking like my grandma all day or buy a size or two up and then belt them so they sit lower, which just looks sloppy. They have low-rise underwear now, too, which is a marvelous thing. They claim that they hit 5 inches below the waist, but 5 inches below my waist is well into privileged territory. So, you see, it would be terrible if all you tall folks suddenly decided that the low-rise phenomenon should go the way of boy bands and legwarmers, as you would be sentencing me to years of walking around in grandma jeans. Buy 'em up, folks! It's good for the economy. It's the patriotic thing to do. Not that I really care about that; I just want to find it easy not to look like Tweedle Dee.

That's all I have to say about that, and I don't mean that in a Forrest Gump kind of way.