I don't object to any measures two or more consenting adults might take to get themselves off. Having said that, I find some of those measures quite baffling. The latest baffling sexual practice to come to my attention is called "wolfbagging."

Here, apparently, is the deal: it's an anal sex thing. The woman or man who's being penetrated swallows a piece of bacon on a string. When the man who's doing the penetrating nears orgasm, he pulls on the string, which makes his partner vomit as the bacon comes up. The process of vomiting causes contractions that tighten the anus and heighten orgasm for the string-puller.

Human ingenuity is truly a remarkable thing. First, it has never, ever, ever occurred to me that anyone in a post-orgasm brainstorm session would say to his partner, "Yeah, that was okay, but you know what I bet would really enhance my pleasure next time? You puking."

Second, good Christ, you can say that to someone and get them to agree with you? See, if you said that to me, right about then is when I would decide that we should part ways, because clearly, you wanted things from our relationship that I just couldn't give you. Like the contents of my stomach.

Finally, and this is no small matter, bacon on a string? I mean, really. Bacon? On a string?

I wonder if there's a vegetarian alternative, perhaps some sort of soy product on a string. But who's ever heard of a vegetarian wolf? Maybe the vegetarians aren't wolfbagging, they're wolfuti-bagging.

1.) I am loving my new flat pens. They're bookmarks! They're pens! They don't make great big lumps in my books!

2.) J Crew is having a "Secret Sale" right now—you have to follow one of these links, because they don't have this sale linked from their main page. These events aren't unusual, but I feel compelled to point out that jersey short-sleeve crewnecks are currently priced at 6.99, and several of their petite jeans styles are currently priced at 29.99. Many of the exact same styles of jeans are being offered through the main site for $20.00 more per pair. This probably doesn't mean much to you, but these jeans seem to be the only ones in the universe right now that fit well and are short enough for me.

3.) I love TurboTax, especially when it tells me that we'll be getting a refund of several thousand dollars by the 14th of this month. I love that interest on home equity lines of credit is tax deductible. I love Quicken's debt reduction planner. It takes your balances owed, interest rates, current monthly payments, and minimum monthly payments, and then, it tells you how you can optimize the payments and get out of debt more quickly. It's currently telling me that we can get out of debt* in 2005 instead of 2010—and save $7000 in interest—if we start by jacking our car payment up to $820/month and pay the minimum payment on everything else. Writing a check that big for a car payment makes me choke a little, but I trust the wisdom of this plan.
* That doesn't count our mortgage or my student loans. Those would seem to be eternal.

4.) I think I might also love the fact that the FHA Streamline Refinancing program exists, but I'm not sure yet.

5.) I got this book for something like $3.00, and I want to make about two thirds of the dishes in it. Right now, I especially want to make peppers stuffed with cinnamon bulgur. You can see a little picture of them in the upper right corner of the back cover.

6.) I signed up with GreenCine. I think I learned about them in sxoidmal's or vaxjo's journal, but I don't remember for sure. I have made myself a great, big, long queue, and when I'm done with a movie, I just put it in the little envelope and stick it in the mail slot in my door, and then, some more movies come, and this makes me happy.

7.) In 1989, my friend Eva and I got uncomfortably stuck.

8.) When the hubby was a kid, he had a pet monkey.

9.) When I was 16, I was pissed off.

10.) When I turned 21, my friends bought me some nasty drinks.

Hi. I have been feeling anti-Internet lately. I realize that's like being, say, anti-electricity, and it probably gets me put on some sort of List, along with anyone the Unabomber ever talked to and that crazy one-man militia on 24 who is currently locked up with Kim in the "bomb shelter." Why is Kim even on that show this season? She does so many stupid things in each episode that you'd think she would have naturally-selected herself out by now.