Calfornia: what a wacky state! Look at all those people driving their shiny Hummers on the four-oh-five! Look at all those boobies what don't bounce! Look at all those folks running for governor!

People, I actually have to vote in this election. Not only that, whether I vote "yes" or "no" on the recall, I still have to pick someone I think should be governor if the recall passes. Let's review my choices.

Well, there's Bill Simon, Cruz Bustamante, or Peter Ueberroth. Who, you ask? Exactly! Bo-ring!
	Then, there's the Terminator, who seems to appeal to everyone's desire to have a cyborg for governor. He's not actually a cyborg, you say? Yeah, right. Austria, my ass.
Fresh from her most recent Ricki Lake appearance, Arianna Huffington has somehow managed to convince numerous people that she's radical because the Republicans don't like her anymore. Huffington, author of The Female Woman, is also a robot.
	Other candidates who have thrown their proverbial hats into the ring include the cast of The Surreal Life, minus Jerri, because nobody's gonna vote for that bitch,
Flo from Mel's Diner,
	... and the midget from Freaks, who's getting a raw deal, because people keep confusing him with Larry Flynt.

I don't know why they should even bother sending out voter guides.