D-City of Buena Park, Ban Sale of Fireworks
Vote Count Percentage
Yes 1567 49.6%
No 1593 50.4%

I really, really hope a Buena Park precinct or two has yet to be counted, because I was eagerly looking forward to not hearing explosions every fifteen minutes during the last half of June and first half of July. The "no on D" contingent has been vocal, sending direct mail with bullet points like this:

• Government takes away one more freedom


• Cuts $400,000 from our Community Groups


• Punishes All Citizens for the Actions of a Few


• Makes Traditional Patriotism a Crime

Even if we overlook the fact that the "no" side obviously feels that choices about capitalization are a matter of whimsy, I resent the implication that blowing shit up is a right. I also think it's ludicrous to claim that to ban fireworks is to banish patriotism, because if the only way you can express your overwhelming sense of pride in your community and country is to "set that there thing on fire," then you, my friend, are a piss-poor patriot. This is especially true when you consider that this issue is NOT ABOUT what happens on the 4th of July. If we were talking about one day, I wouldn't have been so delighted to see measure D appear on the ballot. What we're talking about is 3-4 weeks of extremely loud noises at irregular intervals. They're the kinds of noises that make you jump. The kinds of noises that make your dog shake, pant, and hide under your legs. The kinds of noises that have nothing to do with civic goodwill and a whole lot to do with being mu'fuckin Bruce Willis.

Let's take bullet points two and three together. You're selling $400,000 worth of fireworks. That's a lot of bang for your red, white, & blue buck in a town of just over 10 square miles. These are the actions of a whole lot more than "a few." Buena Park is one of only five OC cities in which fireworks are still legal, which means that every year, our town becomes the site for everyone else's pyrotechnic pilgrimages--and by "everyone else," I mean the 250,000 people who walk the two blocks from La Palma, Cypress, and Anaheim across city limits and into the BP DMZ.

Yeah, I know that the Buena Park Kiwanis Club and Assembly #231 of the International Order of the Rainbow for Girls make good cash hawking patriotism sticks every year. Whatever. Let them sell cake!

On a final note, I would like to say that if results from all the Buena Park precincts are included in these figures, then the fact that 3,160 people voted on measure D--in a town where over 60,000 people are 18 or over--is the most depressing thing of all.