After a brief discussion about the Ken doll's nipples...

SHASTA: "You know Barbie and Ken broke up, right?"

JEFF: "What?"

SHASTA: "Yeah, Barbie and Ken broke up. Mattel announced that it was 'time for them to move on,' or something like that. They needed to make room for a flashier Barbie. One that can get into all the clubs, wears more revealing clothes, and is available for casual sex to anyone with enough rum."

JEFF: "So the company just divorced them? Wait, were they even married?"

SHASTA: "No, they never did get married. A CNN article quoted a Mattel exec as saying they might have broken up because Ken didn't want to get hitched. All the Barbie Deluxe Betrothal Kits they sold were just the results of Barbie's optimism."

JEFF: "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, eh, Ken?"

SHASTA: "Well, I think you could probably consider 43 years a common law marriage."

JEFF: "So who gets the 'Vette?"

SHASTA: "They haven't decided yet. The legal proceedings have gotten pretty nasty."

JEFF: "And Barbie has a new love interest?"

SHASTA: "His name is Blaine. He's a boogie boarder from Australia."

JEFF: "That's his profession? Boogie boarder?"

SHASTA: "Yeah. He's really tan, and he calls everyone 'mate,' even random old ladies on park benches and in lines at the grocery store. He doesn't say 'let's put a shrimp on the barbie' anymore, because he wants to be grilling cod, you know? Barbie's going to spend more time in the sun so that she can keep up aesthetically. Neither of them paid any attention to the lesson of Melanoma-Me Elmo."

JEFF: "I hate that Blaine guy already."

SHASTA: "The lawyers are shredding him. Plus, they've split the Dream House in two, and by order of the court, every little girl who owns one has to keep the halves at least ten feet apart. Kids have to check the calendar before they play at either half, because they can't spend time at Barbie's place when it's Ken's weekend. It's a mess, and the lawyers' fees have been huge."

JEFF, nodding: "Malibu Dershowitz doesn't come cheap."